A Mainah's Blog: Flyfishing with Capn' Simmons
Beans ain't open all night no moah. Those were the days, bust a rod at two, show up for dawn and ol; Bean used to offah a cup of cahwfee to warm your gut. Mostly used to make me start lookin for his awdhouse, did gimm'e a a new beana, versitle eight six seven wahte ayuh. Used to fish them lantic salmon till they stahted in down Agustah. Land lock in the Moose Rivah ayuh, caught Cheif Simmons on the face a few yeahs bahk with that rod I did ayuh. We did git a bigone too but fgawt bring tha net. Scotties little skiff theyah with a five hoss. Ayuh, I think we hit evry othah rock gowin up thah dam and evry othah commin down, but sa good bowt i'll tell ya. Hey Mikey, I did do a bit of fishin up nawth thayah in Alaska. I almost give my life to pull on a king at thirty seven thumbs... nose ta tail. One hellava fightah that one was ayuh. Could never figyah why I evah came bahk. Coldah n'Maine.
Me~
A Mainah's Blog: You know you're from Maine if
- You have intentionally given a tourist false directions.
- You wana nickel for every pothole you hit.
- You lied about the size of a deeah or a fish that big.
- You have friends from away that have mistaken the neighbahs lawn for a 'yahdsale'.
- You know how to pass a pulp truck.
- You plan your vacations around the first day of huntin' season.
- You believe opening day of fishin' season should be a holiday.
- You only buy a newspapah once a ye-ah to check the moose lottery.
- You got shit faced in the Old Poaht on more than one occassion.
- You get "Beeah" at tha Spoahts Bah.
- You give more for ya sled than your rig.
- You can pronounce "Bayah" and know what it is.
- You survived an ice stoahm.
- You actually know Matha, and Beht.
- You laugh every time you see a piece of crap car that climbed Mt. Washin'tin.
- A deeah totaled your cah, but ya still drove down Congress street with it tied ta the hood.
- You know someone addicted to BEENO.
- You believe those Christmas lights will thaw loose round May.
- You've eaten spam... sometimes in the chowdah.
- You know where "Downeast" is.
- You know how to say, "Bah Habah," with respect.
- You know for a fact, you kin git theyah frum heyah, ayuh!
- You know seasons, cold, friggin' cold, mud and skeeta season.
- Map or no map, you will never ask for directions and risk looking like a tourist.
Geography & Yonder
Other than potatah's the county (Aroostook) [Pronounced "Cownee"] is home to a number of Maine Black Fly fahms; considered livestock by residents they are very small but have been known to carry off small children. Most importantly, it ain't quite the end of the earth but you can almost see it from heyah. The Stud Mill Road is a fine place to see on a for weelah or a sled, but the Airline's quickah Downeast. If ya evah get up Berts place, past Billy's faahm that burnt down way back? Stay clear a' Martha, specially if she got that shotgun in er hands. Ayuh, she's a wickid one if she don't git ah dinnah. If ya fishin' ya kin see the West Branch of tha Penobscot Rivah [Pronounced Penobsc't ] is one of the most beutiful places on eahth. Old Town still makes canoes and Beans ain't open all night no moah.
A man in South Carolina asked me one day, "Wheaz Maine? Ain't that an island or a country like Canada."
I told em, "New England, you know like thah chowdah, an we got Lobstah too.
He said, "Up next to Vermont?".
I said, "ayuh".
I think its funny, people thinkin Maine's nextah Vahmont. Then when they drive up, New Hampshire shows up on the map and sticks em with ah toll n' them Massholes get blamed for it!. Live free or die is their motto, ayuh, I think it's a conspiracy, moden' day piracy. But, we still get it back when we go across the state line da get firecrackah's n lottery tickets. N' when we got time, we stop at walmaht too cause theyah aint no tax down theyah.
Its pronounced Bangah or Bang'gor, but we call it home, two stretches between reality and nowhere.
Local Ramblings
Mahtha, came runnin last night up in Glenburn. she ran up through the back dooryahd. Screamin, sum'n terrable. An that can tell yah only one thing, it was a bayah. Cause the only thing it scares Mathah is a bayah.
I'll be down at the spoahts bah if i'm needed.
Me ~
You can write or discuss anything with me heya, just contact me at 
. Beht may call and I might not read the message, but ayuh, you can contact me theyah.
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